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| Joyce & Dwayne Walker June 18, 1966 - 2016 |
Fifty Years and Counting
What is providence? It’s that theological word that means God controls all contingencies, all circumstances, all choices, all events, all people, all time to converge to precisely fulfill His will. One of the best verses in the Bible that describes providence is familiar to most of us, Romans 8:28. And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to his purpose. Often, we are caught up in the ‘daily-ness’ of life and forget about the providence of God as events occur.
People might ask what is the secret of being married for 50 years? Heck if I know! Seriously, there have been ups and downs but many more ups than downs. Years ago, a nephew wanted me to write something for his wedding since I wasn’t going to be able to attend. I would like to share an except from what I wrote twenty-two years ago. I believe it still applies today. To summarize and paraphrase what I said follows:
Four Cs that contribute to a successful marriage.
Christ - unbelievers have (in my opinion) very little hope of a successful relationship because of their bent toward sin that can only be dealt with by the blood of Jesus Christ. Christ himself said "Repent or perish" and "You must be born again". Sadly, the divorce rate in the church is about the same as the rest of the world. You may love your mate with all that you are but if your heart of stone has not been turned into a heart of flesh by God's Holy Spirit, you will spend a lot of time rowing against the current. Today is the day of salvation.
Commitment - probably should be removed from the dictionary as it appears to have been removed from our society. This is certainly the value missing from most marriages today. "Til death do us part" has been modified to "Til something better comes along". We get so bound up in feeling good that we tend to want to bail out at the first sign of trouble. A real commitment is a conscious decision to stick it out when our feelings say to go.
Communications - seems to be overused in the land of Twitter, Facebook, Instagram, ad nauseum. Communicating requires face-to-face time, not tweet to tweet or text to text. Many years ago during some of our struggles, we participated in a group study in our home using the book "The Marriage Builder" by Larry Crabb. I highly recommend it. One exercise in the study included going into the bedroom with your spouse and both sitting on the bed facing one another and sharing some of your deepest struggles. Listening is missing from our communications today. We think if we are talking, that is communicating. If no one is listening, you are wasting your time.
Cherish - I understand it to be putting the other person first and never violating their dignity. We place such a high value on them that we are always looking out for their good even to the point of denying ourselves, if necessary. It might even require giving up some of our "rights" which probably seems un-American! Marriage is not 50-50, it is 100-100. Each partner is to give 100% to their mate expecting nothing in return. This is true ministry.
I would like to close with the theme of our lives both now and forever. It comes from the Protestant Reformation of the 1500’s. It is known as the ‘five solas’.
Sola scriptura- By Scripture alone
Sola Fide- By faith alone
Sola gratia- By grace alone
Solus Christus- By Christ alone
Soli Deo gloria- Glory to God alone
